Competitions

As previously discussed each team plays in its own league however its about to get a whole lot more complicated as apart from the league season which may seem to you to go on forever and for most fans to not be long enough, there are also several cup competitions and depending on how big the club your man supports is, the more competitions you will probably end up being forced to sit through.

The FA Cup, involves what seems to be every team in England, you can get teams that play in parks, or the Sunday League team your man plays for, facing sides like Manchester United and Arsenal. In fact, my Dad, otherwise known as the worlds worst footballer, has somehow managed to play in this competition (it was a very very early round) It's the most prestigious competition in English football and the Final in May of each year attracts hundreds of millions of viewers from around the world.

The League Cup, this involves all the teams from the aforementioned four divisions, it doesn't have quite the same appeal as the FA Cup, the bigger teams play their reserve players, but it's still a trophy come the final in late-February/early-March and the winner qualifies for Europe which we discuss next.

These two are both given major sponsorship every year, hence the reason the League Cup is called the Carling Cup currently, although it has been the Milk Cup and the Littlewoods cup in the past, many fans refer to this competition as 'The Mickey Mouse Cup.' They are both straight knock outs, so once you lose you don't get another go, like 'the one with the least votes' on an X Factor results night.

There are two major European competitions, the elite competition for the top teams in every top league in Europe is the Champions League. The highest placed teams at the end of the Premier League season, or the top domestic league in the country in which they play like La Liga (Spain)  the year before qualify for this. It is only your top teams in this, none of the cup winners, so no chance of  Dad playing in this one, as much as he probably thinks that he could.

The other competition in Europe is the Europa League, the two different cup winners from the season before qualify plus a team one place below the Champions League qualifiers in the league, so normally the team that finishes in fifth in the Premier League. The final of this and the Champions League are both played in May, normally right at the end of the English domestic season, in one of the biggest stadiums in Europe.

Now these competitions work a little bit differently, firstly they are likely to be the game you are forced to watch on a Tuesday or Wednesday or in some cases even Thursday night, instead of Eastenders, or Coronation Street. They aren't a straight knock-out competition either, they work like a mini league at first with 4 teams playing each other twice, across several different groups. The top two of each group go through. Then you get your wonderful X Factor style knock-outs again.

So just when you thought you had it all sussed out, there's another load of things to remember, and we are only half-way through.Stick with it though, as when your man 'surprises' you with tickets to Barnsley v QPR although your heart might sink a few thousand feet, you might just be able to blag it with the best of them.