Rivalries

Rivalries - Just like all great things, football wouldn’t be the game we know (well kind of understand) and love (or in some cases tolerate) if it wasn’t for its great rivalries. Think Alien vs. Predator or blondes v brunettes. Football rivalries can be based on many different things, but the main two reasons are:

Religion - Religion has always caused conflict between groups of people and football is no exception to that rule. When two football clubs have such opposing beliefs in their fan base, and are close in location to one and another they seem to gravitate towards each other as natural rivals. The best example of this is Rangers and Celtic (Scottish football) These two Glasgow based clubs have a long running history of hatred. One team is Catholic. The other Protestant. It was never going to end well with the two clubs being in such close proximity.

Location - When two big clubs, or two clubs of similar size, are in the same area, they are always going to be in competition with each other. Like when you are at school, you always seem to hate the school nearest to you, or the one that’s just as good. Normally in cities such as Manchester and Liverpool there are two large clubs, one successful and one not so successful. Manchester United are the big team, Manchester City are the team aspiring to be big. Liverpool are the big team, Everton are the ones aspiring to be big.

Or, and this is essential knowledge for all non Leeds fans, for some perhaps unknown reason, everybody and I mean everybody hates Leeds.

Now these rivalries are not just restricted to League football, they also take place on a nationally and global scale. England as a nation of football fans, have rivalries with many other countries. Notably the ‘home counties’ - Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, due to the location and close proximity of these countries to England, and the success of England in comparison to these countries.

England also have rivalries with Germany, based on the historical conflict with this country, and the fact that we always seem to go out to them in tournaments. “Two World Wars and One World Cup” a popular chant amongst England fans. We also have the same kind of rivalry with Argentina due to the Falklands War.

Rivalries help to make certain games that bit more specially, but a loss to your closest rival hurts more than losing to anyone else, so on the occasion that this happens tread carefully around your man.

Competitions

As previously discussed each team plays in its own league however its about to get a whole lot more complicated as apart from the league season which may seem to you to go on forever and for most fans to not be long enough, there are also several cup competitions and depending on how big the club your man supports is, the more competitions you will probably end up being forced to sit through.

The FA Cup, involves what seems to be every team in England, you can get teams that play in parks, or the Sunday League team your man plays for, facing sides like Manchester United and Arsenal. In fact, my Dad, otherwise known as the worlds worst footballer, has somehow managed to play in this competition (it was a very very early round) It's the most prestigious competition in English football and the Final in May of each year attracts hundreds of millions of viewers from around the world.

The League Cup, this involves all the teams from the aforementioned four divisions, it doesn't have quite the same appeal as the FA Cup, the bigger teams play their reserve players, but it's still a trophy come the final in late-February/early-March and the winner qualifies for Europe which we discuss next.

These two are both given major sponsorship every year, hence the reason the League Cup is called the Carling Cup currently, although it has been the Milk Cup and the Littlewoods cup in the past, many fans refer to this competition as 'The Mickey Mouse Cup.' They are both straight knock outs, so once you lose you don't get another go, like 'the one with the least votes' on an X Factor results night.

There are two major European competitions, the elite competition for the top teams in every top league in Europe is the Champions League. The highest placed teams at the end of the Premier League season, or the top domestic league in the country in which they play like La Liga (Spain)  the year before qualify for this. It is only your top teams in this, none of the cup winners, so no chance of  Dad playing in this one, as much as he probably thinks that he could.

The other competition in Europe is the Europa League, the two different cup winners from the season before qualify plus a team one place below the Champions League qualifiers in the league, so normally the team that finishes in fifth in the Premier League. The final of this and the Champions League are both played in May, normally right at the end of the English domestic season, in one of the biggest stadiums in Europe.

Now these competitions work a little bit differently, firstly they are likely to be the game you are forced to watch on a Tuesday or Wednesday or in some cases even Thursday night, instead of Eastenders, or Coronation Street. They aren't a straight knock-out competition either, they work like a mini league at first with 4 teams playing each other twice, across several different groups. The top two of each group go through. Then you get your wonderful X Factor style knock-outs again.

So just when you thought you had it all sussed out, there's another load of things to remember, and we are only half-way through.Stick with it though, as when your man 'surprises' you with tickets to Barnsley v QPR although your heart might sink a few thousand feet, you might just be able to blag it with the best of them.

Crime and Punishment

Right so the next step my dad took with my all those years ago, was to explain, that in football, like in day to day life, there are consequences for breaking the rules. Now in football there is no 5 minutes on the naughty step, however there are always consequences to a players misdemeaners.

On the pitch - There are warnings, yellow cards and red cards handed out by the referee to players who break the rules.

Warnings - similar to tellings off when your a child, you get told not to do that again or there will be consequences.

Yellow Cards - normally for minor rule breaks or for when you just dont listen to your warnings. These are your final warning.

These are the sort of incidents you can get a yellow card for -

• Being unsporting
• Dissent - things such as swearing and throwing the ball away when a decision doesnt go your way.
• Constantly break the minor rules - a few too many warnings
• Delaying the goal-kicks, free kicks and throw-ins - time wasting, often done when your team is winning.
• Not being far enough away from a free-kick or corner
• Coming onto the pitch without being told you can 
• And of course, leaving the pitch without being told you can  

Red Cards - Two yellows equals a red, which means you have been sent off, and its a nice early bath for you, and one less player for your team. It also results in a suspension, which is the equivalent of being grounded for a week or two.

You can also get a red card for things such as:

• Dangerous play - where you intentionally or accidently hurt another player.
• Any other violent act - hitting, kicking or hurting another player.
• Spitting - just ewww
• Deliberate handball - unless of course you are the goalkeeper, or if you are him, you are outside your area.
• Stopping a clear goalscoring oppertunity with a foul - otherwise known as a proffessional foul.

http://www.skysports.com

This would be considered dangerous play, by the Wolves player, Karl Henry, (the one in orange)

                                     

                                                http://www.depers.nl/beeld/

And this, by Luis Suarez (the one in  is clearly a great display of violent conduct, as decides to bite an opponent

Off the pitch - The governing body (the big guys in charge) of the competition your team is taking part in, can choose to take action, or further action against a player once the game has finished. For instance Mr Suarez, above, got given a seven  match ban ( a massssive grounding) after he sunk his teeth into an opponent. 

A club can also fine a player his wages if he or she is misbehaving on or off the field, so going out on the lash the night before a game may affect more than just your ability to perform on the pitch, it may also affect your bank balance.

Something your average ref doesn't have the power to do.

OFFSIDE!

Ok, so I think its about time that we covered the big one, the one that will really impress the lads down the pub, and earn you mega brownie points.
Thats right, the time has come to explain, well at least try and explain, the offside rule. Now I'm not going to crack out the ketchup and the mayonnaise and try to explain in that manner (Bend it like Beckham anybody?) Instead I'm going to break it down into simple steps, that hopefully clear it up bit by bit.

Firstly for the offside rule even to come into consideration an attacking player must be in the other teams half of the pitch, so anything they do in the half their goalkeeper is in, is fine.

Secondly for a player to be considered onside, rather than offside, there must be two or more players(including the goalkeeper) between the attacker and the goal when they receive the ball. So when the player looks up, once he has the ball,  if he can see two other players from the other team in front of him he is fine, if there is only one, or none, he is offside.

Thirdly, the player must be in an offside position with the intention to:
interfere with play, by touching the ball or running to the ball or making a movement towards the ball.
distract or prevent an opponent from playing the ball, so blocking someone who could make a tackle, or distracting the goalkeeper
or gain an advantage for his team, by looking to score or set up a goal.

So if the player is just standing there minding his or her own business, which would be rather strange, but you never know, they wouldnt be considered offside.

Like so:



Now this goal should have been allowed, as neither of the other two players touched the ball as it went into the net, it was just a good goal, from an onside Cristiano Ronaldo

Maybe now you can see why your man finds the offside rule so frustrating, different referees have different view points on what is consider on and offside, as do different fans. Cristiano certainly didn't think that was offside, however those in charge beg to differ and so his perfectly good goal doesn't count.


Hopefully this has cleared this all up for you, I did a trial run on the girls I live with and it seemed to pass the test, however if not, feel free to ask below for some more help :) and ill make sure I clear up any issues as this one is a real sticking point with lads. If you say you understand football, sadly, you have to be prepared to explain this one to them.

The First Few Rules...

So know we have the leagues covered, its probably best to explain exactly what you can and can't do, so that the next time the man in your life jumps up, punches a wall, or refuses to talk to anyone for a few hours, because of another 'outrageous decision,' you at least have some idea what on Earth is going on.
Now before we cover the dreaded off-side rule, which I know you are all eager to get your teeth into, I'm going to give a quick run down of the basic rules.

Game - I'm sure you're aware of how long you lose your man to the TV for each Saturday, but just in case, the game is made up of two halves, each 45 minutes long.

Teams - There are only 11 players from each team allowed on the pitch at anyone time, and each team can make up to three changes during the 90 minutes, from a selection of seven substitutes.

Fouls - A tackle or challenge of any sort deemed to be unfair by the referee on one player, by a player from another team. Fouls can result in three things, free-kicks, penalties and playing advantage (where the referee allows play to continue)

Free-kicks -  If a foul is committed and there is no advantage to be played,  the other team have won the ball unfairly, the referee will call for a free-kick. The free-kick is taken from the place where the foul occurred, and the opposition players have to stand 10 yards away. This is often seen by many players as an opportunity to have an attempt on goal



Penalties - If a foul is committed inside the penalty area, the referee can award a penalty, which is a free-kick, but from a certain spot  yards from the goal, and only the goal keeper is allowed to stand in between the ball and the goal.

Its Mum's favourite (well mine anyway) David Beckham, with an example of a penalty:



That's most of the simple rules of the beautiful game covered, and you'll soon find that no matter how simple all of these things seem, it is them that causes the most drama on a weekly basis for your man and his team. Was it a penalty? Should it have been a free-kick? Why wasn't there more injury time? All these debates come up at least once a weekend, and cause the sort of controversy your man, and football fans up and down the country, and all around the world talk about on a Sunday morning. So, the next time there's drama on a Saturday afternoon, don't be too shy to give your, now informed opinion too!

So who plays where... (Leagues)

They say its not what you know, its who you know. So before we discuss the nitty gritty of the rules, including covering the oh so dreaded offside rule, lets get the basic’s out of the way.
There are four divisions in the English football League:

• The Premiership - The best league in English football, home to the likes of Manchester United, Chelsea and Arsenal. Think of these like your designer clothes, your Jimmy Choo’s and Alexander Wang’s of the world. This is the league that every team wants to be in, and just like your top fashion designers, teams can make a fortune from being there. This is the league most likely to be shown on TV, with Sky Sports showing matches every week.
• The Championship - The league just below the Premiership. Its still got some of the class of your top designers, but isn't worth as much. Think of it as your designer section in your department store. 
• Then there’s League One -This league is your highstreet stores. Your Topshop's and New Look's. Its not too expensive, but its not cheap as chips 
• And finally League Two - the bottom professional league in England. It is your Primark, from here the only way teams want to go is up. Its not bad for a season or two, like the buttons on your new Primark duffle coat.

And So To Kick Off...

As a little girl I knew nothing about football and thought that all males had the cooties and therefore should be avoided at all costs. Football was their game, and I had no desire to be apart of it, let alone watch it. It's safe to say my views have changed since then, well at least some of them.

However, during that first Arsenal game, my dad, with some help from the 22 players on the pitch, and those fans sitting close enough to hear him struggle as he tried to explain the offside rule, taught me the basic principles of football, a game which has had me hooked ever since.

And I am going to attempt to do the same for you, so this weekend when the boyfriend or housemates suggest staying in and watching Match of the Day (BBC highlights of the days football) you might be able to keep up with what’s going on. You never know you might actually enjoy it too.

So before you all rush off change your high heels for football boots, or head down to the local to watch Super Sunday (Sky Sports coverage on a Sunday) its probably best to cover the basics.